Parent Question: What if I’m constantly yelling at my kids because they won’t do anything unless I yell??
Answer: We are human. Our kids are human. And because of that, we will all have our moments. (Trust me, I’ve had many!!) Every single one of us will lose our cool at some point because parenting is HARD. Finding enough patience is HARD. Life is HARD. And kids can be…well…HARD to deal with.
The key is to put things in place so that yelling doesn’t become a habit because it’s when we yell constantly that it becomes damaging to our relationship with our child. Trust is broken, respect is lost, and eventually kids will stop listening altogether and may even rebel.
Here are a few no-yelling strategies to try…
- Be proactive: Identify times of day when you yell the most and put a plan in place in advance. Maybe it’s getting up a few minutes earlier…maybe it’s starting the bedtime routine a bit earlier too. Maybe it’s setting clear expectations and consequences BEFORE you go to a restaurant or grocery store.
- Use a checklist: Checklists can empower kids of all ages to do their jobs so we don’t have to constantly remind nor lose our cool if they aren’t listening. They have a job to do and when the checklist is in charge, you can help them and encourage them and even offer small incentives for completing them (an allowance each week or extra screen time) or clear consequences for not completing it (dock in pay or loss of screen time).
- Take care of your Emotional Balloon: Often times we yell at our kids simply because we are stressed about something else. In other words, our Emotional Balloon is already full even before they misbehave and then we “pop” when we may not normally have lost it, right? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve yelled because I was stressed about something else that had nothing to do with my kids and they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Taking care of your Emotional Balloon means finding healthy ways to release negative emotions and stress like walking, yoga, playing a sport, counseling, mindfulness exercises, journaling, prayer, having a date night, finding a hobby, or a night out with friends.
- Stay connected: When kids feel connected to us, they will be more willing to listen and obey us and follow our advice, but did you know that when WE feel more connected to our kids, then we will have more patience with them and be more willing to speak or treat them respectfully? Plus, it just helps us like our kids more—get to know them better, understand their personalities, see their side, hear their thoughts and opinions, and build our respect for them.
When we give ourselves grace each day–recognize that we are human and our kids are human too—then we can be willing to learn new strategies, find what works for us, and make tomorrow a better day…even if it’s hard!
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT–Looking for more no-yelling tips and tools? GREAT NEWS!! We have launched our On-Demand Parenting Workshop Program where you can take our workshops free ANYTIME online!!! And guess what? Our first workshop is: NO MORE YELLING
You can watch the full workshop all at once or scroll down the page to watch it part by part if you just have time for a few minutes here and there. Plus, there is a notes packet you can print out if you’d like (but it’s not required). Go at your own pace and rewatch any parts as needed. And there will be more workshops to come! CHECK OUT NO MORE YELLING ON-DEMAND NOW!
Here’s to no more yelling at our kids–
Christine Leeb
Child Development Specialist