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3 Tips to End Bullying

Posted on March 28, 2023March 21, 2023 by Real Life Families

Did you know that Bullying Prevention Programs in the schools often don’t work? Why is that? Well, there are several reasons…

1. They focus way too much on bullying—what it is, what it means, ways you bully—which then ends up teaching kids how to bully. Research has shown that bullying increased after some school anti-bullying programs and some students have shared that they actually learned more ways to bully!!

2. They post signs everywhere that say: END BULLYING or DON’T BE A BULLY. What does a kids’ brain see? The words BULLY and BULLYING.

3. Bullying starts and ends at home more so than anything else. If there is no parent involvement, than nothing is going to last long. Even if a bullying prevention program “works”, it will only be short-term.

So, what’s the answer? I have a few suggestions…

Kindness is the opposite of bullying so we all need to stop talking about bullying so much and start focusing on kindness! Teaching kids about kindness—what it is, what it means, and ways you can show kindness.
Post signs EVERYWHERE about being kind. In fact, every school, grocery store, gas station, restaurant, and home should have a sign that says BE KIND.
Recognize the power of OUR influence as parents. Bullying may start at home, but kindness does too. When we focus on teaching kindness in our homes…we can make a BIG difference in spreading more kindness in this world. When we…
- set boundaries around being kind…
- watch things that promote kindness…
- read books about kindness…
- do kind things for others…
- thank our kids for being kind…
- ask them every night how they showed kindness in their day…

Focusing more on kindness is how bullying ends, so parents, let’s do this!! Because, together, WE can be the GREATEST Bullying Prevention Program out there.

Here’s to spreading kindness together–

Christine Leeb

Child Development Specialist

4 No-Yelling Strategies

Posted on March 21, 2023 by Real Life Families

Parent Question: What if I’m constantly yelling at my kids because they won’t do anything unless I yell??

Answer: We are human. Our kids are human. And because of that, we will all have our moments. (Trust me, I’ve had many!!) Every single one of us will lose our cool at some point because parenting is HARD. Finding enough patience is HARD. Life is HARD. And kids can be…well…HARD to deal with.

The key is to put things in place so that yelling doesn’t become a habit because it’s when we yell constantly that it becomes damaging to our relationship with our child. Trust is broken, respect is lost, and eventually kids will stop listening altogether and may even rebel.

Here are a few no-yelling strategies to try…

Be proactive: Identify times of day when you yell the most and put a plan in place in advance. Maybe it’s getting up a few minutes earlier…maybe it’s starting the bedtime routine a bit earlier too. Maybe it’s setting clear expectations and consequences BEFORE you go to a restaurant or grocery store.
Use a checklist: Checklists can empower kids of all ages to do their jobs so we don’t have to constantly remind nor lose our cool if they aren’t listening. They have a job to do and when the checklist is in charge, you can help them and encourage them and even offer small incentives for completing them (an allowance each week or extra screen time) or clear consequences for not completing it (dock in pay or loss of screen time).
Take care of your Emotional Balloon: Often times we yell at our kids simply because we are stressed about something else. In other words, our Emotional Balloon is already full even before they misbehave and then we “pop” when we may not normally have lost it, right? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve yelled because I was stressed about something else that had nothing to do with my kids and they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Taking care of your Emotional Balloon means finding healthy ways to release negative emotions and stress like walking, yoga, playing a sport, counseling, mindfulness exercises, journaling, prayer, having a date night, finding a hobby, or a night out with friends.
Stay connected: When kids feel connected to us, they will be more willing to listen and obey us and follow our advice, but did you know that when WE feel more connected to our kids, then we will have more patience with them and be more willing to speak or treat them respectfully? Plus, it just helps us like our kids more—get to know them better, understand their personalities, see their side, hear their thoughts and opinions, and build our respect for them.

When we give ourselves grace each day–recognize that we are human and our kids are human too—then we can be willing to learn new strategies, find what works for us, and make tomorrow a better day…even if it’s hard!

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT–Looking for more no-yelling tips and tools? GREAT NEWS!! We have launched our On-Demand Parenting Workshop Program where you can take our workshops free ANYTIME online!!! And guess what? Our first workshop is: NO MORE YELLING

You can watch the full workshop all at once or scroll down the page to watch it part by part if you just have time for a few minutes here and there. Plus, there is a notes packet you can print out if you’d like (but it’s not required). Go at your own pace and rewatch any parts as needed. And there will be more workshops to come! CHECK OUT NO MORE YELLING ON-DEMAND NOW!

Here’s to no more yelling at our kids–

Christine Leeb

Child Development Specialist

What If My Child Says “No”

Posted on February 8, 2023 by Real Life Families

Question: What if my child says “No” to me?

SUGGESTIONS: Parents ask me this question often—especially parents of toddlers. When kids say “no”–no matter what their age–it can feel super irritating and make us parent out of our Parent Ego which says: “YOU CAN’T SAY “NO” TO ME!!!”, which only creates an even bigger power struggle and soon our child turns into a “No Monster” and they will use that word over and over and over to irritate us, get a rise out of us, and create a lot of conflict and chaos.

My biggest suggestion is to: Focus on the goal: Ignore the “no” completely. Take away its power. If you ask your child to pick up their toys, take out the trash, or do their homework, etc. and they say “no”, focus on the goal only of getting them to do what you have asked. I know it feels disrespectful when they say “no”, but YOU have power over how much power it has over you. Does that make sense? Otherwise, you’ll be angry about 2 things and dealing with 2 problems–them not doing what you asked them to do AND them saying “no” to you. Let’s just focus on the goal and ignore the “no”.

Here are some other suggestions for you to try and see what will work for you and your child…

For Preschoolers and Grade schoolers…Let’s say you have asked them to clean up and they say “no”…

Make it a game: See if you can engage your child in a race to see if they can pick up the toys before the timer goes off or before a song is over.
Offer teamwork and power: “Can you clean up the toys all by yourself or would you like some teamwork? or “Are you old enough to clean them all up by yourself or do you need mommy/daddy to help you?”
Use When/Then: “When the toys are cleaned up, then it will be time for Family Movie Night (or snack time or going to the park or having a tickle fight or playing electronics, etc.).

For middle schoolers and high schoolers…this age group is a bit trickier with the “no”, but remember that we still want to focus on the goal and not give the “no” any power nor let it create a power struggle.

Use humor: I heard you say “no”, but I know what you really meant to say is (and then use some silly high-pitched voice): “Sure thing, mom. I’ll get right on that.” Then you say: “Thanks, son!”
Rewind and Give them Their Lines: “Can you try that again without just saying ‘No’. That doesn’t feel respectful. Can you say: ‘Do you mind if I finish up this TV show and then I’ll put the dishes away?’ That respects you and me. Thank you.'”
Empathize and Compromise: “I know you’re playing something you’re enjoying and taking out the trash isn’t your favorite thing in the world. How about I’ll set a timer for 5 more minutes so you can finish up and then you can take care of the trash?”
Offer power: “You don’t have to do your homework right now, but what is your plan for getting it done on time?” Let them tell you their plan and then you can just hold them accountable for their own plan.

When we refuse to give the “no” any power and we focus on using other strategies to get the goal accomplished, not only can we avoid LOTS of power struggles, but more importantly, we can protect our relationship with our child…and destroy the “No Monster” for good!

Here’s to focusing on the goal…not the “no”…
Christine

Christine Leeb, Child Development Specialist

Celebrating Black History Month with Your Kids

Posted on February 3, 2023 by Real Life Families

Black History Month kicks off this February. With any celebration or awareness-raising days, I believe their message should be carried with us throughout the year! With Thanksgiving, for example, we should be thankful and grateful EVERY DAY…not just on one day of the year. Or when my kids and I slept in a box one night a few weeks ago to raise money for the homeless, I want them to be aware, compassionate, and giving towards the homeless every night…not just one night.

So with that in mind, let’s celebrate and learn about different cultures and people—-who they are, how they contribute to our society, the very real struggles they face, and even ways we can help—as often as we can.

With respect to Black History Month, here are some ideas to learn and grow as a family…

THE TEACHING TOOL—Our primary job as a parent is to be our child’s greatest teacher. Their views of themselves, of others, and of the world are shaped by our own views.

EDUCATE OUR KIDS—Set a positive example. Take time to talk about and teach about contributions and positive role models in the African American community.

For example, did you know…

that George Crum, chef and restauranteur, invented the potato chip?
that George Washington Carver not only invented peanut butter, but also resourcefully used sweet potatoes and peanuts to invent 518 new products like ink, dye, soap, cosmetics, flour, vinegar, and synthetic rubber?
that Marie Van Brittan Brown filed a patent for the first home security system?
that Madame CJ Walker became the first self-made millionaire with her invention of hair care products for African Americans?

And there are SO many more!

In fact, this book is AWESOME: 100 African Americans Who Shaped American History

EDUCATE OURSELVES—Be willing to learn.Take time to educate yourself, as a parent, on the real struggles some African American families face.

No matter what color your skin is or what your background is, take time with your family or on your own to learn about and understand your own culture or those of another. And that’s what will bring more unity to this world, not just one day or one month out of the year…but EVERY day!

Lord, You are the God of peace…of harmony…of unity. Allow our hearts to align with Yours to bring light where there’s darkness…hope where there’s hopelessness…peace where there’s conflict…harmony where there’s discord…and unity where there’s division.

Here’s to bringing more unity to the world together—Christine

The 4 A’s of Making Mistakes

Posted on August 23, 2018August 23, 2018 by Real Life Families

It’s so important to make our home into an environment where kids feel comfortable making mistakes.

Because our kids will ALWAYS make mistakes! We still do, right?

Why not teach them strategies on what to do after a mistake is made? Teaching them these steps will not only show them that it’s OK to make mistakes but it also equips them and empowers them on what to do when they know they’ve blown it…when they’ve really messed up…or even when they have a small “Oops”.

Here are the 4 A’s of Making Mistakes we can teach our kids:

Admit Your Mistake–Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Admit what you did. Build trust instead of break it.
Apologize–Say: “I’m sorry.” Ask for forgiveness. Be sincere.
Always Offer to Help Fix It–Take ownership. Solve the problem. Figure out a solution and follow through.
Avoid Making the Same Mistake–Learn from your mistake. Mistakes build character and can make you stronger and more wise. Learn, grow, and move on!

CLICK HERE FOR THE PRINTABLE

Wouldn’t it be so wonderful if we all did this?

After we teach these steps and we walk our kids through them over and over, then we just have to be there for them without judgement…without punishment…and without any “I told you so’s”. So the next time our kids come to us with a mistake, we can say—

“Thank you for admitting your mistake. That really builds trust between us.”
“Thank you for apologizing for it and yes, I forgive you.”
“Thank you for offering to help fix the broken window because yes, you will pay for it out of your own money.”
“And I know you feel badly and will not throw the ball in the house again. I love you.”

Lord, check our hearts for perfectionist ways and perfectionist expectations of ourselves and of our children. Fill our hearts full of grace–especially in our words and our reactions. Remove the pressure of perfection and remind us that Your word and Your ways are perfect and flawless NOT OURS…and certainly not our children’s.

Here’s to building better families–
Christine

14 Ways to Love Your Wife Like a Girlfriend Again

Posted on January 19, 2018February 2, 2018 by Real Life Families

Ok husbands…can we be real for a moment? How have you changed since you got married? Do you still woo your wife with cards, letters, flowers? Do you still shower her with love and affection? Or has kids, bills, stress, and life gotten in the way a bit?

We get it!

Well, here at Real Life Families, we believe very strongly in the power of teamwork in families. And the best way to build a strong family team is to first build a strong marriage team.

Starting February 1st, we are inviting all husbands to join us in a 14-Day Challenge to love your wife like a girlfriend again by bringing some fun and romance back to your marriage in easy, practical ways. If you’re not sure what that looks like, don’t worry. Every day leading up to Valentine’s Day, we will send you a short email with a fun idea!

Let’s focus on our wives and build stronger families!

THIS CHALLENGE HAS ALREADY BEGUN. WE WILL DEFINITELY DO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR. IN THE MEANTIME, YOU CAN SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR WEEKLY EMAILS WITH PARENTING TIPS INCLUDING OUR POWERFUL TEAMWORK PARENTING APPROACH.

14 Ways to Love Your Husband Like a Boyfriend Again

Posted on January 19, 2018February 2, 2018 by Real Life Families

How different were you to your husband before you got married? Admit it…weren’t you just a little bit more flirty…easy-going…fun when you were a dating couple?

Well, Real Life Families is all about helping families work as a team and we believe that a strong family team begins with a strong marriage team. But let’s be REAL for a minute–sometimes our husbands can take a back seat to the craziness of life–taking care of our kids, and the house, and the meals, and the shopping, and the laundry, and the laundry, and the laundry. Is it just me? Or do you ever look at your husband at the end of the day and think…”And you are???”

Well, no more (at least not during this 14-day challenge!) Let’s focus on our man. Let’s show him a little bit more love and attention. Let’s take a little time to be more flirty and giddy and agreeable and available! Let’s take some time to build that marriage team…14 days…14 emails…14 fun and practical ideas are coming soon!

The Giving Box

Posted on December 13, 2017December 10, 2018 by Real Life Families

Several years ago in our family, we started The Giving Box. What is The Giving Box, you ask? I’m so glad you asked!

Raise your hand if you have too much stuff. Me, me, me! It seems that no matter what I do, I just can’t keep up with all the stuff in our house. Every gift-giving holiday brings a little anxiety as we don’t have room for the stuff we already have…especially toys. We are so blessed but too many things can feel burdensome–especially when I think about those who have nothing or very little.

I want our kids to understand how blessed they are. I want them also to understand that having more and more things is not what this life is about. If we have abundance or too much of something, we should give it to those who could use it or appreciate it more than we do…enter The Giving Box.

Every December, we put out a Giving Box (plastic tub or laundry basket) and see how many times we can fill it with things we can donate. Last year, we filled it four times! I’m challenging my kids to fill it more times this year.

Teaching our kids to have a heart to give doesn’t take much…

always having $1 handy for the Salvation Army bell ringer.
bringing a homeless man a meal.
participating in toy drives, book drives, or canned food drives.
bringing chicken soup to a sick friend.
putting $1 in the offering plate at church.
volunteering at a soup kitchen.

But teaching our kids to have a heart to give does take us. We have to be the ones to set the example. We have to be the ones to place an importance on giving. We have to give first and then they will follow our lead.

You can work as a team with your family to teach the beauty of giving to others too. Giving is about love, thoughtfulness, and compassion. Giving is about understanding that there is a world outside of ourselves that our kids can be a part of helping. Giving is about God in motion. We are His hands and feet and so when we teach our kids to give, not only are we modeling teamwork, but we are modeling a calling to give as we are able.

How to use The Giving Box with your family:

Get a box, laundry basket, or large tub or storage bin. Attach a sign that says “The Giving Box.”
Bring your family together and share how blessed that you are as a family to have each other and that people are more important than things.
Let them know that together, as a team/family, you are going to see how many times you can fill The Giving Box with things from around the house.
Choose a local charity where you will be donating your items. Research the charity together so you know how your things are going for the greater good.
Work as a team to go through every closet, every cabinet. Clean out toys, books, clothes, shoes, hats, gloves, coats, pots, pans…everything you own should be gone through!
Keep track of how many times the box is filled and do a family hug each time you’ve filled it.

The Giving Box–what a great way to get rid of things in your home, bless others, and be blessed as you work as a team to give!

THE GIVING BOX SIGN AND DIRECTIONS
Lord, you say to give as we are able. You say to give generously. Open our hearts to the ways you want us to give generously using the gifts you have given us. Show us ways we can use our time, our resources, and even our prayers to help others. And may our acts of giving reflect your light and love onto our children so that their hearts would beam with the desire to give.

Here’s to building better families–

Christine

Here’s to building better families-

Christine

3 Reasons Our Kids Need Routine

Posted on September 1, 2017September 1, 2017 by Real Life Families

Kids need routine. I’m not talking about planning out every single minute of their day to the point where you rob your kids of all creativity, freedom, or spontaneity. I’m talking about having a plan that kids can follow during certain times of the day in order to help them be more productive and help your life be less crazy.

During the school year, it is especially important for kids to have routines. In our home, we have a morning routine, an after-school routine, and a bedtime routine. We have checklists everywhere to make sure that they know exactly what to do.

Here’s why routine is so important…

Routine creates security: When we do the same things over and over in the same way, kids feel more secure. That’s why little ones ask us to read the same books over and over and over and over and over. I had Brown Bear, Brown Bear memorized because no matter how many times I read it, my kids wanted me to read it again and again. There is security in familiarity. Routines help the day become familiar. And kids become more confident when they know what to expect and when they can predict what comes next.
Routine encourages responsibility: It is important for kids to know what is expected of them. Whether it’s chores or homework or what they need to do at bedtime, establishing a routine allows them to take the responsibility for getting the job done.
Routine fosters independence: It is not our job to do everything for our kids–after all, we do want them to grow up to be self-sufficient, responsible adults. But it is our job to teach them what to do, how to do it, and then let them go from there. We want them to eventually be able to do everything without our guidance. And routine helps. With a solid routine in place, kids feel more empowered to manage their own time and their own responsibilities.

So, how do you create strong routines in your home?

First of all, identify “problem” areas or times of day where your family would benefit from a routine.
Write down everything that you would like for your kids to do.
Create a short, simple checklist (use pictures for younger kids) to help get their routine in order.
Read through the checklist with your kids to check for understanding. You can also ask them if they have anything to add (this makes them feel important getting to share their thoughts and opinions).
In the beginning, have them practice going through the checklist with your guidance. Remind them to look at their checklist. “Have you done everything on your after-school checklist?” Check their “work”.
Once they have learned the routine, you can give them some space. You may need to remind or encourage them every once in a while. And by the way, it’s OK to let your kids forget things from time to time–there will be natural consequences–especially when it comes to school work. Or for frequent forgetfulness, you may need to introduce a small, fair consequence to boost that responsibility factor.

Hopefully, with practice, you will be able to watch your secure, responsible, independent children flowing through their routines and checking things off their checklists. And eventually, you will find that your kids will know their routine so well, they won’t even need the checklists anymore.

And then, maybe…just maybe, you will have more time to just sit back, relax, and enjoy a brownie! 🙂 Ha.

Here’s to building better families-

Christine

Back-to-School Prayer for Your Daughter

Posted on August 16, 2017 by Real Life Families

My daughter starts kindergarten this week and I don’t even want to talk about it. My heart is breaking to send her out into this world. It really is.

And every time I say: “But God, I want to keep her at home and protect her from this world forever. I want never want her to experience a broken heart and I never want her positive, joyful spirit to be crushed. I want her to do cartwheels, sing songs, and paint pictures just because. I want her to ask me to “watch this” 50 times a day. I want her to swing on her tree, play with her stuffed animals, and hold my hand as we walk to the park. I never want her to be told that she’s not smart enough or pretty enough or good enough. I never want her to feel rejected or insulted. I never want her to be exposed to the negativity and hate in this world. I need her at home with me all day every day and I never, ever, ever, ever want her to be out in this world, OK?”

But God says: “I understand…but this world needs her. Trust me.”

But that’s so hard especially when you’re a mama bear wanting to protect her cub, but then I have to remember whose cub she is in the first place.

We have to choose to trust the Lord. We have to give our children to the One who created them, loves them, and chose them to be exactly where they are in this time and place.

Oh that’s hard. Deep breaths.

Lord, bless my daughter as she goes into the world each day. Be near her
and help her to be strong. Remind her that in You there is no fear, but
instead there is the power to be confident, loving, and brave. Protect her
feelings and emotions. Help her to make good choices and give her an
assertive voice to share her own opinions and know that they matter. Help
her to be able to stand alone and always do the right thing and encourage
others to do the same. Give her a helpful heart and a kind spirit. Put
positive friends in her path, but also allow her to show love to those who
need You in their lives. Give her a heart to include others and encourage
them. Show her how to use the gifts that You have given her to be all that
You created her to be. Give her a healthy body image and allow her to see
her unique beauty and appreciate how she is wonderfully made. Protect her
each and every day. I know that You love my sweet girl even more than I
do. God, I give her to you. I trust her in Your loving, protective care.
In Jesus’ name…Amen!

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