3 Tips to End Bullying

Posted on by Real Life Families

Did you know that Bullying Prevention Programs in the schools often don’t work? Why is that? Well, there are several reasons…

1.  They focus way too much on bullying—what it is, what it means, ways you bully—which then ends up teaching kids how to bully.  Research has shown that bullying increased after some school anti-bullying programs and some students have shared that they actually learned more ways to bully!!

2.  They post signs everywhere that say: END BULLYING or DON’T BE A BULLY.  What does a kids’ brain see?  The words BULLY and BULLYING.

3.  Bullying starts and ends at home more so than anything else.  If there is no parent involvement, than nothing is going to last long. Even if a bullying prevention program “works”, it will only be short-term. 

So, what’s the answer?  I have a few suggestions…

  • Kindness is the opposite of bullying so we all need to stop talking about bullying so much and start focusing on kindness!  Teaching kids about kindness—what it is, what it means, and ways you can show kindness.
  • Post signs EVERYWHERE about being kind.  In fact, every school, grocery store, gas station, restaurant, and home should have a sign that says BE KIND.
  • Recognize the power of OUR influence as parents.  Bullying may start at home, but kindness does too.  When we focus on teaching kindness in our homes…we can make a BIG difference in spreading more kindness in this world.   When we…
    • set boundaries around being kind…
    • watch things that promote kindness…
    • read books about kindness…
    • do kind things for others…
    • thank our kids for being kind…
    • ask them every night how they showed kindness in their day…

Focusing more on kindness is how bullying ends, so parents, let’s do this!!  Because, together, WE can be the GREATEST Bullying Prevention Program out there.

Here’s to spreading kindness together– 

Christine Leeb

Child Development Specialist

What If My Child Says “No”

Posted on by Real Life Families

Question:  What if my child says “No” to me?

SUGGESTIONS:  Parents ask me this question often—especially parents of toddlers.  When kids say “no”–no matter what their age–it can feel super irritating and make us parent out of our Parent Ego which says:  “YOU CAN’T SAY “NO” TO ME!!!”, which only creates an even bigger power struggle and soon our child turns into a “No Monster” and they will use that word over and over and over to irritate us, get a rise out of us, and create a lot of conflict and chaos.

My biggest suggestion is to: Focus on the goal:  Ignore the “no” completely.  Take away its power.  If you ask your child to pick up their toys, take out the trash, or do their homework, etc. and they say “no”, focus on the goal only of getting them to do what you have asked. I know it feels disrespectful when they say “no”, but YOU have power over how much power it has over you. Does that make sense?  Otherwise, you’ll be angry about 2 things and dealing with 2 problems–them not doing what you asked them to do AND them saying “no” to you.  Let’s just focus on the goal and ignore the “no”.  

Here are some other suggestions for you to try and see what will work for you and your child…

For Preschoolers and Grade schoolers…Let’s say you have asked them to clean up and they say “no”…

  • Make it a game:  See if you can engage your child in a race to see if they can pick up the toys before the timer goes off or before a song is over.
  • Offer teamwork and power:  “Can you clean up the toys all by yourself or would you like some teamwork? or “Are you old enough to clean them all up by yourself or do you need mommy/daddy to help you?”
  • Use When/Then:  “When the toys are cleaned up, then it will be time for Family Movie Night (or snack time or going to the park or having a tickle fight or playing electronics, etc.).  

For middle schoolers and high schoolers…this age group is a bit trickier with the “no”, but remember that we still want to focus on the goal and not give the “no” any power nor let it create a power struggle.

  • Use humor:  I heard you say “no”, but I know what you really meant to say is (and then use some silly high-pitched voice): “Sure thing, mom. I’ll get right on that.”  Then you say: “Thanks, son!” 
  • Rewind and Give them Their Lines:  “Can you try that again without just saying ‘No’. That doesn’t feel respectful. Can you say: ‘Do you mind if I finish up this TV show and then I’ll put the dishes away?’ That respects you and me. Thank you.'”
  • Empathize and Compromise:  “I know you’re playing something you’re enjoying and taking out the trash isn’t your favorite thing in the world.  How about I’ll set a timer for 5 more minutes so you can finish up and then you can take care of the trash?”
  • Offer power:  “You don’t have to do your homework right now, but what is your plan for getting it done on time?” Let them tell you their plan and then you can just hold them accountable for their own plan. 


When we refuse to give the “no” any power and we focus on using other strategies to get the goal accomplished, not only can we avoid LOTS of power struggles, but more importantly, we can protect our relationship with our child…and destroy the “No Monster” for good!

Here’s to focusing on the goal…not the “no”…
Christine

Christine Leeb, Child Development Specialist

Celebrating Black History Month with Your Kids

Posted on by Real Life Families

Black History Month kicks off this February. With any celebration or awareness-raising days, I believe their message should be carried with us throughout the year!  With Thanksgiving, for example, we should be thankful and grateful EVERY DAY…not just on one day of the year.  Or when my kids and I slept in a box one night a few weeks ago to raise money for the homeless, I want them to be aware, compassionate, and giving towards the homeless every night…not just one night. 

So with that in mind, let’s celebrate and learn about different cultures and people—-who they are, how they contribute to our society, the very real struggles they face, and even ways we can help—as often as we can. 

With respect to Black History Month, here are some ideas to learn and grow as a family…


THE TEACHING TOOL—Our primary job as a parent is to be our child’s greatest teacher.  Their views of themselves, of others, and of the world are shaped by our own views. 

EDUCATE OUR KIDS—Set a positive example.  Take time to talk about and teach about contributions and positive role models in the African American community.

For example, did you know…

  • that George Crum, chef and restauranteur, invented the potato chip? 
  • that George Washington Carver not only invented peanut butter, but also resourcefully used sweet potatoes and peanuts to invent 518 new products like ink, dye, soap, cosmetics, flour, vinegar, and synthetic rubber?
  • that Marie Van Brittan Brown filed a patent for the first home security system?
  • that Madame CJ Walker became the first self-made millionaire with her invention of hair care products for African Americans?

And there are SO many more!  

In fact, this book is AWESOME: 100 African Americans Who Shaped American History

EDUCATE OURSELVES—Be willing to learn.Take time to educate yourself, as a parent, on the real struggles some African American families face. 

No matter what color your skin is or what your background is, take time with your family or on your own to learn about and understand your own culture or those of another.  And that’s what will bring more unity to this world, not just one day or one month out of the year…but EVERY day! 

Lord, You are the God of peace…of harmony…of unity.  Allow our hearts to align with Yours to bring light where there’s darkness…hope where there’s hopelessness…peace where there’s conflict…harmony where there’s discord…and unity where there’s division.  

Here’s to bringing more unity to the world together—Christine