Sibling Rivalry–3 Ways to Promote Kinder Sibling Interactions

Posted on by Real Life Families
3 Ways to Encourage Kinder Sibling Interactions
“STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!”  Classic sibling line.  

Since when did looking at someone become the most annoying thing in the world?  My guess was when siblings were invented.  LOL!

I remember growing up when my brother would draw a line in our velour car seat and tell me not to cross it (and I always would just to tick him off).  I remember shouting at him to “GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!”  I even remember us fighting over who had the most Captain Crunch Berries in our cereal bowls.  

If you’re kids fight with each other…they are normal.  If they argue…they are normal.  If they bicker and pick and peck and poke at each other…they are normal.

Sibling rivalry is normal.  It is. 

Now, not to say that we can’t make it better.  Not to say that we can’t put some teamwork tools in place to make it better…because we can!

But I just wanted to start by saying that it’s normal. And it’s healthy–to a certain degree–especially if we use this rivalry as a teaching tool for life.

Because there is no greater place to learn to resolve conflict, to grow in cooperation, to work with different personalities, and to understand the art of compromise than in our families!

I truly believe that’s why God brought our families together. 

Sibling Rivalry gives us an opportunity to teach and encourage our kids how to work together as a team…and that’s something they will carry into their future jobs, friendships, marriages, and even into their own parenting.

So before you make a wish to the next genie you meet that sibling rivalry would just end…I hope you can see it a little differently.

And learn to handle it a little more effectively.

Here are 3 ways to encourage kinder sibling interactions…


1.  Teach more…punish less:  When siblings fight constantly, it can be so easy to get caught in the trap of just policing their behavior and dishing out punishments left and right. It’s exhausting and not our job.  Our job is to teach. Let’s be proactive.  Let’s identify the problem, pray about it, get ideas from our spouse and kids on how to solve the problem and work as a team. Then make a plan.  And practice!  Yes, practice sharing. Practice riding in the car without fighting.  Practice using kind words with each other. Practice kindness in whatever area that they are not choosing to show kindness. Teach them what to say and what to do…even when someone looks at them funny. 

2.  Let them work it out:  Once you’ve involved your kids in making a plan on working more as a team, give them space and time to work it out together. In fact, when I hear an argument going on, I just stay away.  If someone comes running to me for help, I say “Work it out please. I know you can solve this problem as a team.” And then give them more space. It’s not easy and yet it’s so freeing. Eventually, they do work it out and then I can come in and thank them for using teamwork to solve the problem! It’s great.  Now, let’s get real here…obviously, we all know to step in if there are any safety concerns, but if it’s just good ole’ normal sibling rivalry…let them work it out. And if they need more practice…practice more. Don’t settle for their disrespect.  

3.  Provide more time together:  When kids fight all the time, the first thing some parents want to do (and understandably so) is try to separate them as much as possible. Instead, let’s provide opportunities for them to spend time together as much as possible. It is so important that kids see each other as being on the same team, and in my opinion, nothing says “team” more than time.  Give them more time together as a whole family like serving the community, or doing a movie night or game night. And give them more time just as kids like letting them stay up a little later after bedtime to play a game together in one of their rooms or build a fort and watch their own movie. 

Obviously giving them space is great and sometimes much-needed (especially to parents who are dealing with constantly annoying interactions), but find balance. Separate them in the moment if needed…give them time (especially those introverts) to just be alone, but always make sure there are plenty of opportunities for togetherness and fun too.

Until our kids stop looking at each other just to annoy and until our kids can stop being annoyed at someone’s look, there will always be sibling rivalry.  But I hope that after you apply some of these teamwork strategies, you will hear more laughter than loud shouts and a lot less annoyance from annoying looks!

Lord, Just as You instruct us and teach us in the way we should go and counsel us with Your eye upon us (Psalm 32:8), lead us in doing the same for our children. Allow your kindness and love to flow through our homes creating brothers and sisters who respect and live in peace with one another. 

Here’s to building better families–
Christine

The Get-Along Jar: An Idea to Stop Sibling Rivalry

Posted on by Real Life Families

The yelling…the screaming…the fighting…OH SO ANNOYING!  Sibling rivalry drives me crazy sometimes.  I’ll be honest…sometimes, I just let them argue it out. I just simply don’t have the time, energy, or the patience to step in every time and in fact, I’ve learned that it’s healthy to let my kids work it out on their own–unless it gets too out of hand, of course.

I’ve learned that it’s not always necessary for me to step in.  Taking time to teach my kids that they have a voice and they can stand up for themselves is an important skill for life.  Learning to handle an argument will certainly come in handy for their future.  I have given them three simple steps in a little rhyme to help them remember what to do…

  • Say it kindly.
  • Walk away.
  • Go get help. (Clap, clap, clap)

I want to empower my kids to try to solve their own problems with their siblings with kind and respectful words first.  “Please don’t hit me.  I don’t deserve it.”

Then, they walk away and get some space.

Then, if the offender keeps offending, they come get me for help.

Sometimes it works beautifully. Sometimes it doesn’t.  They are still learning and I just keep on teaching because I know they will benefit in the long run.

Recently, I found a new idea from www.kidsspot.com.au in an article called Put a Stop to Sibling Bickering: Make a Get-Along Jar.  It was my hope that I could use The Get-Along Jar in my own home as well as help another mom with some sibling rivalry going on in her home too.

I tried it.  And?

It was awful.  Ultimate fail!!  It only created more arguing.  So what started as an argument between siblings ended up being an argument between me and my oldest.  Not the point at all, but only he could turn an idea about getting along into an argument.  Oh the irony!

So why am I sharing this idea with you?  I’m sure you’re thinking…”Why do you want me to try it then?”

Because it just might work for you.  All kids are different.  And my oldest just so happens to thrive off of conflict so The Get-Along Jar gave him yet another opportunity to argue, but with my youngest kids, they actually did enjoy it.  They did choose to change their focus to try to work as a team instead of arguing which is the whole point of The Get-Along Jar to begin with.  Every child is different. Every family is different.  Your kids just might get it and if it can help you have less sibling rivalry going on in your home then my failed experiment will be all worth it.  🙂

Purpose

  • To distract kids in the middle of an argument or silly bickering.
  • To provide an opportunity to do something together that requires teamwork.
  • To remind each other that they love each other and that life is too short to spend time arguing when they can spend more time having fun and doing kind things together.

Materials

  • Jar or cup
  • Popsicle sticks
  • Strips of paper with get-along ideas (printable below)
  • Scissors
  • Markers to decorate
  • Glue

Get-Along Ideas (Download below)

  • Say three nice things about the other person.
  • Turn on some music and dance together.
  • Read a storybook together–taking turns reading a page.
  • Set the table together.
  • Make up a ‘getting along song’ and perform it for the family.
  • Make the other person’s bed.
  • Write a poem for the other person.
  • Clean the other person’s room.
  • Get each other a glass of water and sit outside to drink it.
  • Draw something positive about your sibling.
  • Sweep the floor together.
  • Make each other a ‘sorry’ card.
  • Play Simon Says for six minutes.
  • Draw a picture of each other.
  • Give each other a big hug.
  • Clean the bathroom sinks together.
  • Pick up the other person’s toys.
  • Do 10 sit ups, 10 jumping and five push-ups.
  • Tell each other a story.
  • Draw a picture together.
  • Tickle each other.
  • Do a kind deed together for someone else.
  • Ask your sibling 3 questions about themselves.
  • Make each other laugh with silly faces.
  • Play The Quiet Game.

How to use

  • Introduce your kids to The Get-Along Jar. Let them know that they are family and that they are called to love each other and work as a team and The Get-Along Jar is going to help remind them of that. Ask them to brainstorm ideas of some things they can do together to have fun instead of fighting or you can just use the ideas below.
  • Have them help decorate the sticks as well as label and decorate the jar.
  • When fighting or arguing begins, walk over to the kids with The Get-Along Jar and assign one child to pick out a stick. If you know your kids will argue over this, you pick out the stick for them.
  • Have the child read or you read what is on the stick and they must do that instead.
  • Encourage your kids to do things in The Get-Along Jar anytime they want too. They can use The Get-Along Jar for ideas of things they can do show their family teamwork or to just have some fun together. They don’t have to be in an argument to use The Get-Along Jar. It’s for “all things teamwork.”
  • What a great way to refocus the kids on what is important—being kind and loving and working as a team!

Good luck.  I hope The Get-Along Jar works for you.

Here’s to building better families together!

DOWNLOAD THE GET-ALONG JAR DIRECTIONS

DOWNLOAD THE GET-ALONG JAR IDEAS